


Feelings suck

by Choiiiannievisser



Series: Sebastian Smythe Angst [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27660593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Choiiiannievisser/pseuds/Choiiiannievisser
Summary: Sebastian sits in his dalton room, questioning whether he deserves to live or not.
Relationships: Kurt Hummel/Sebastian Smythe
Series: Sebastian Smythe Angst [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022566
Kudos: 22





	Feelings suck

Why?

A question Sebastian found himself asking often in different forms. Today's "Why" question just happened to be a lot heavier, and there was more than one. Why can't I stop hurting people? Why am I even alive? Why do I have such amazing friends? Why?. It taunted Sebastian because he knew there was no answer, no reason he deserved to live or have friends, and no reason he's such an asshole other than the fact he's selfish. He just tricked himself into believing it was something more complicated like that it was a front so that people didn't see he was weak. That's silly, he was just mean because he could be. 

Truth is, he didn't want to hurt people, it just sort-of happens and he doesn't realize until it's too late until the damage cannot be undone. And he dared to think about someone like Kurt? Someone so amazing and flawless and just perfect when he himself is nothing but an underserving serpent. Kurt should never look at Sebastian again, he didn't deserve to be looked at. 

He didn't deserve the warmth of Jeff's hugs or Nick's parent-like care or Trent's optimistic look on life or Thad's sarcasm and bad jokes. He deserved nothing he had. He was a monster. 

His eyes scrunched up as he cowered in the corner of his room, not wanting tears to spill out. How dare he cry after what he's done? Shakingly he opened up his phone to the warbler group chat and looked at the previous messages.

warblertrent: Hey! Does anyone have the math homework? I'm struggling.

jeffdoesmeth: no but I do have ouid

nickthestick: jeff shut up

thadthelad: 69 

Sebastian laughed at the interactions, tears finally making their way out of his eyes. Smiling, he typed out.

SmytheBas: I'm sorry guys :) I love you. 

He finally let out a sob, laughing sadly as he grabbed the bottle of painkillers that sat on his desk. Pop. The lid smoothly came off. He gazed in the orange tube at the pills and a singular tear fell on them.

He's going home.

The pills tasted bitter as he downed them in pairs of 3 until he had taken well over 20. 

BANG BANG.

"Seb! Are you okay?" A voice recognizable as Trent yelled, followed by more banging.

"Just open the door!" Thad yelled, clearly distraught. 

Someone, presumably either Thad or Nick bust open the door, imminently spotting Sebastian blacking out with the bottle in his hands. He was smiling, looking at the ceiling. His vision was blurry as everything started to fade.

"Bas! Seb! Are you okay? Is he breathing! Someone check if he's breathing"

"SOMEONE CALL A FUCKING AMBULANCE."

"It's fine, I'm going home" Seb smiled, as he looked at his friends with awe. They really were the best.


End file.
